Things that men may not know about women.

Things that men may not know about women.

(The use of men and women is used for simplicity and no offence is meant for other genders. Which ever gender you identify with, there are things here you will relate to)

Advice for MEN!

Please bear in mind that the following is a generalisation and of course there are the exceptions and where roles may reverse.    I defy anyone who says different genders are the same. Men and women are poles apart and whoever our maker was, did not do a great job aligning the together, for example:

• A man creates testosterone when he is angry – women do not! Consequently, during or after an argument often a man will want to make up with a sexual, happy ending! Women, on the contrary, will not want their man anywhere near them, partly because they do not create teststerone but mainly because they feel wounded and do not have the desire to reward their man for their bad behaviour.
• If the atmosphere in the relationship is not good, for whatever reason, lovemaking can deteriorate and therefore the man will feel hurt and display his hurt in a negative way. If things are not talked about he could make all kinds of assumption resulting in him becoming sulky, grumpy, moody, going out more or making nasty remarks – he wants to fix it by making love! She, on the other hand notices her partner is being unkind or distant and may also imagine all the wrong reasons why, then they have a stand-off. He will try to fix it and make a move on his partner thinking things would then be better between them. She, on the other hand will have put on her armour and will not feel very warm towards her partner, resulting in a definite NO! She will want him to communicate verbally and talk about the cause of his negative behaviour. She will also want him to be kind and caring to her for a day or so, or even a week or two. Then when things are good between them, she will probably welcome his intimate advances or even make the advance herself.
• It takes a woman an average 40 minutes to reach orgasm from the start of lovemaking but around 40 seconds for a man.
• Groping = touching in intimate places. If a woman fondles or touches a man in an intimate place he will be turned on in an instant. For a woman fondling is about as exciting as elbowing her in the back. Most women love a hug; the back of her neck kissing or a lip kiss but hands must stay in a ‘safe’ place. Women usually do love cuddles and kisses but most will not initiate it for fear of it leading to sex. I would suggest that you give her a casual hug and not progress it but please remember to keep your hands on her upper back. This will create trust and in return more intimacy.
• Women usually like romance (not to say that some men don’t) but a small gesture like, picking a flower out of their garden is lovely. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture although a nice weekend away wouldn’t go amiss.
• Most women actually can problem solve so when she tells you of her woes it is wise to just listen, without interruption, then just summarise what you have heard. Sometimes all a woman will want is to blow off steam and often a cuddle helps.
• Find out when her PMT’s are due and be extra careful. Most women don’t understand their own mood swings and hate themselves at this time so a bit of TLC goes a long way.
• Be aware that a woman may be perimenopausal when they are in their 40’s so it would be very wise to read as much as you can so that you can understand what your partner maybe experiencing- it is not a nice experience! Menopause is usually traumatic for both women and men and can sometimes be responsible for breaking relationships up. It takes a very skilful man to manage it, too, but if you can educate yourself and demonstrate empathy to your partner you stand an excellent chance of surviving it.
• DO NOT accuse a woman of being pre-menstural or menopausal when things are not going right.  It can be interpreted as you saying, ‘it’s your fault’.
• Be brave when it comes to trying to ‘protecting your partner with a lie’! Just tell the truth because if you are found out lying trust will go and she will be far more angry with you! Women are not nearly as fragile as you imagine and telling the truth is a great method of mitigating the blow.
• If you are caught out having an affair and your partner asks you questions about it, tell her every detail that she asks for, truthfully. That way she will decide more positively whether or not she can move on! I cannot stress enough the damage that lies do!!!! If she decides to give you a second chance you need to communicate much better and seek counselling.
• When married or committed women go out with their female friends, they more often than not get dressed up for themselves or their female friends, they do not usually dress to seduce other men; indeed it can be quite irritating when their ‘girly’ time is interrupted by men thinking they are ‘in with a chance’. Should such a thing happen they are well able to fend off such behaviour, after all they have probably been fending off predators most of their adult lives. Trust your partner’s integrity unless you have concrete evidence to believe otherwise.
• Some women come across as being very confident and capable of juggling their family, job, partner, children and friends. However, often they need to be comforted and supported themselves. Carers need caring for before they burn out and very many do.
• Your ‘partner ‘is just that – not your mother! Take initiative and don’t leave everything for her to do, even though she might be very good at it. Organise a date night including getting a babysitter, take some responsibility for taxiing your children around etc.
• Agree some ‘rules’ like an informal agreement. Start by asking each other what you both want from the relationship to secure a happy and fulfilling life together. For example, both go to bed together; eat together; one date night per week; no name calling or value judgments; support each other; one night out on your own with friends per fortnight; no shows of violence including certain expletives etc. The rules are applicable to both parties. Once you have written them down you can review them once per week to start with. This review is good for communication and checking out how well you are doing. It is also an opportunity to make additions for amendments.

What do woman hate?

• Any form of abuse, bullying or violence in any form even raised voices can scare her.
• Not being listened to and understood
• Their partner to consume too much alcohol especially if he is not a happy drunk– that is often when arguments or even violence is caused
• Lies – often the lie is considered as being worse than the deed.
• Being controlled – Men and woman see ‘controlling behaviour in a different way
• Being ridiculed or criticised, especially about things that cannot be changed.
• Groping
• Being a mother to her partner
• Being neglected – being bottom of the pile
• Paying other woman inappropriate attention
• Not being good with the children
• Too much time socialising with your mates
• Laziness
• Being put down especially in front of others
• Drinking too much alcohol (often resulting in rows or worse)
• Not being supported
• Having to always make the arrangements every time when planning a date night or a holiday. Step up men and take some initiative as a partner not as another one of her children.

What women love:

• Romance and attention.
• Being appreciated as a partner as well as being a parent
• Acknowledgement that she needs to be cared for, too
• Respect and kindness
• Help with the children and around the house
• An occasional thank you for her hard work – if applicable!
• Pay attention to what is happening with family relationships.
• Be caring and listen to what is NOT being said as well as what is being said! Remember that, like men, women will often suffer in silence.

Insecurities

Watch out for the ‘test’ game. Women will often ‘test’ the love of their partner by ‘playing mind games’ eg:

W: I have a medical appointment today.

M: Oh! Do you need me to come with you?

W: No, it’s ok I can go on my own.

M: OK!   WRONG ANSWER!!!!

Women who are insecure will read into that, ‘he would insist on coming with me if he loved me’. You should say, ‘I’m coming with you. I don’t want you to go alone; you may want my support.’