Men!! Urgent Message! What you may not know about woman

MEN! PAY URGENT ATTENTION!!

This advice could save your relationship so before your world explodes, consider this:

Please bear in mind that the following is a generalisation and of course there are the exceptions, and some men may think that it is the other way around. I defy anyone who says men and women are the same. Men and women are poles apart and whoever our maker was, did not do a great job:

• A man creates testosterone when he is angry – women do not! Consequently, during or after an argument often a man will want to make up with a sexual, happy ending! Women, on the contrary, will not want their man anywhere near them mainly because they feel wounded and do not have the desire to reward their man for their bad behaviour.
• If the atmosphere in the relationship is not good, for whatever reason, lovemaking can deteriorate and therefore the man will feel hurt and display his hurt in a negative way. If things are not talked about, he could make all kinds of assumption resulting in him becoming sulky, grumpy, moody, going out more or making nasty remarks – he wants to fix it by making love! She, on the other hand notices her partner is being unkind or distant and may also imagine all the wrong reasons why, then we have a stand-off. He will try to fix it and make a move on his partner thinking things would then be better between them. She, on the other hand will have put on her armour and will not feel very warm towards her partner resulting in a definite NO! She will want him to communicate verbally and talk about the cause of his negative behaviour. She will also want him to be kind and caring to her for a day or so, or even a week or two. Then when things are good between them, she will probably welcome his intimate advances or even make the advance herself.
• It takes a woman an average 40 minutes to reach orgasm from the start of lovemaking but around 40 seconds for a man.
• Groping = touching in intimate places. If a woman fondles or touches a man in an intimate place he will be turned on in an instant. For a woman fondling is about as exciting as elbowing her in the back. Most women love a hug, the back of her neck kissing or a lip kiss but hands must stay in a ‘safe’ place. Women usually do love cuddles and kisses but most will not initiate it for fear of it leading to sex. I would suggest that you give her a casual hug and not progress it but please remember to keep your hands on her upper back. This will create trust and in return more intimacy.
• Women usually like romance (not to say that some men don’t) but a small gesture like, picking a flower out of their garden is lovely. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture although a nice weekend away wouldn’t go amiss.
• Most women actually can problem solve so when she tells you of her woes it is wise to just listen, without interruption, then just summarise what you have heard. Sometimes all a woman will want is to blow off steam and often a cuddle helps.
• Find out when her PMT’s are due and be extra careful. Most women don’t understand their own mood swings and hate themselves at this so a bit of TLC goes a long way.
• Be aware that a woman may be perimenopausal when they are in their 40’s so it would be very wise to read as much as you can so that you can understand what your partner maybe experiencing- it is not a nice experience! Menopause is usually traumatic for both women and men and can sometimes be responsible for breaking relationships up. It takes a very skilful man to manage it, too, but if you can educate yourself and demonstrate empathy to your partner you stand an excellent chance of surviving it.
• Be brave when it comes to trying to ‘protecting your partner with a lie’! Just tell the truth because if you are found out lying trust will go and she will be far angrier with you! Women are not nearly as fragile as you imagine and telling the truth is a great method of mitigating the blow.
• If you are caught out having an affair and your partner asks you questions about it, tell her every detail that she asks for, truthfully. That way she will decide more positively whether or not she can move on! I cannot stress enough the damage that lies do!!!! If she decides to give you a second chance you need to communicate much better and seek counselling.
• When married or committed women go out with their female friends, they more often than not get dressed up for themselves or their female friends, they do not usually dress to seduce other men; indeed, it can be quite irritating when their ‘girly’ time is interrupted by men thinking they are ‘in with a chance’. Should such a thing happen they are well able to fend off such people and behaviour, after all they have probably been fending off predators most of their adult lives. Trust your partner’s integrity unless you have concrete evidence to believe otherwise.
• Some women come across as being very confident and capable of juggling their family, job, partner, children and friends. However, often they need to be comforted and supported themselves. Carers need caring for before they burn out and very many do.
• Your ‘partner ‘is just that – not your mother! Take initiative and don’t leave everything for her to do, even though she might be very good at it. Organise a date night including getting a babysitter, take some responsibility for taxiing your children around etc.
• Agree some ‘rules’ like an informal agreement. Start by asking each other what you both want from the relationship to secure a happy and fulfilling life together. For example, both go to bed together; eat together; one date night per week; no name calling or value judgments; support each other; one night out on your own with friends per fortnight; no shows of violence including certain expletives etc. The rules are applicable to both parties. Once you have written them down you can review them once per week to start with.

What do woman hate?

• Any form of abuse, bullying or violence in any form even raised voices can scare her.
• Not being listened to and understood
• Their partner to consume too much alcohol especially if he is not a happy drunk– that is often when arguments or even violence is caused
• Lies – often the lie is considered as being worse than the deed.
• Being controlled – Men and woman see ‘controlling behaviour in a different way
• Being ridiculed or criticised, especially about things that cannot be changed.
• Groping
• Being a mother to her partner
• Being neglected – being bottom of the pile
• Paying other woman inappropriate attention
• Not being good with the children
• Too much time socialising with your mates
• Laziness
• Being put down especially in front of others
• Drinking too much alcohol (often resulting in rows or worse)
• Not being supported
• Having to always make the arrangements every time when planning a date night or a holiday – take some imitative as a partner not as another one of her children.

What women love:

• Romance and attention.
• Being appreciated as a partner as well as being a parent
• Acknowledgement that she needs to be cared for, too
• Respect and kindness
• Help with the children and around the house
• An occasional thank you for her hard work – if applicable!
• Pay attention to what is happening with family relationships.
• Be caring and listen to what is NOT being said as well as when is being said (like men, women will often suffer in silence).

Insecurities

Watch out for the ‘test’ game. Women will often ‘test’ the love of their partner by ‘playing mind games’ e.g:

W: I have a medical appointment today.

M: Oh! Do you need me to come with you?

W: No, it’s ok I can go on my own.

M: OK!   WRONG ANSWER!!!!

Women who are insecure will read into that, ‘he would insist on coming with me if he loved me.’ You should say, ‘I’m coming with you. I don’t want you to go alone; you may want my support.’

Last word of advice:

The worst feeling for a woman is when she tries to have a conversation with her partner about how his behaviour hurts her every day. Instead of listening, he gets angry, flips the situation, and makes her feel like she’s the problem. She just wanted to be listened to and understood, but instead, she ends up questioning herself. She goes quiet not because she’s okay, but because she’s tired of being unheard.  A woman stops talking when she feels like her voice doesn’t matter, and when she stops, it’s hard to get her back because silence is louder than any words she ever said. She needs empathy, not anger.  Listen before she stops trying, understand her before she walks away because when she’s done, she’s done for good.

These are the stages which women usually progress through:

STAGE 1.

They keep discussing their needs with you.                                           BUT YOU DON’T PAY ATTENTION! OR DISMISS IT AS PMT’S OR MOODINESS.

STAGE 2.

They feel sad and cry often.                                                                     BUT YOU STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND OR EVEN SEE HER TEARS.

STAGE 3.

This next stage is the most challenging for men:

Everything you do irritates her.  Sex can cease, arguments become frequent, and it feels like you can’t stand each other, yet…during this volatile period, when she goes quiet you need to worry because she is not submitting, she is usually thinking; ‘shall I go, or shall I stay?’; do I have any more fight in me; will he ever change? shall I just give up?

YOU STILL DON’T PAY ATTENTION!

STAGE 4

This is a confusing phase for most men:

She is much calmer now and she seems to have got over whatever was bothering her.

You can say, do, or go anywhere you want; she no longer argues or bothers you.

She appears indifferent and unmoved.

It’s not because she is happy now and self-soothed – she has emotionally ‘gone’ and disconnected from you and just when you think everything is fine, she asks for a separation, and you’re left wondering… WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED???

ANSWER!

You took your eye off the ball, probably through complacency and no communication and that is usually the demise of the relationship. The sad fact for a man is that, when a woman finally makes that painstakingly, profound decision to leave, she will rarely change her mind because she has taken so long agonising about it and grieved. The grieving process takes approximately two years.

The following are some of the points she will have considered:

• Am I doing the right thing?
• Do I still love him?
• Does he still love me?
• Will he ever change?
• Can I bear to live like this for ever?
• Can I manage without him?
• Can he manage without me?
• How will it affect the children?
• What would others think?
• Will I ever meet anyone else?
• What will happen in the future?
• Can I afford to support myself?
• Do I have to leave the house?
• Can I forgive him?
• Will he do it again?
• Can I be happier without him?

Having made up her mind and after she has dropped the bomb, you will start a similar grieving process that she has already finished.

I will explain the grieving process  which has five-stages  that people go through after experiencing a loss. In this context the grieving is for a lost relationship.

These stages are as follows:

• Denial – I cannot believe it! She cannot mean it.
• Anger/Blaming – Why? It’s all her/my fault. I bet she has got someone else. How can she?
• Bargaining – Give me another chance. Let’s go for counselling; It will be alright; It’s mid-life crisis.
• Depression – Feeling very down and sad. Don’t want to be bothered.
• Acceptance – Starting to recover and accept that she is not coming back.

HOW CAN I AVOID THIS HAPPENING AGAIN?

• Communicate!!!  This is the best advice I could ever give anyone.
• Listen actively to what she is saying.
• Observe what she is not saying
• Notice her and learn about her needs
• Check out verbally how she is doing and how she is feeling
• Ask yourself, ‘Am I being the best version of myself?
• Communicate what you are not happy about in an acceptable manner.
• If you sense something is wrong, it probably is – try communicating or  having some couples counselling before it is too late.

IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN

Remember that the best gift you can ever give them is to love their mother!