Men!! Urgent Message!

 

MEN! PAY URGENT ATTENTION!!

This advice could save your relationship and is for the men whose partners have told them, out of the blue, that she wants a separation.

Before your world explodes, consider this:                                             By the time that a woman actually says, “I am done and want a separation” mentally,  she made her decision a long before, possibly a couple of years.

Here are the stages which women usually progress through:

STAGE 1.

They keep discussing their needs with you.                                           BUT YOU DON’T PAY ATTENTION! OR DISMISS IT AS PMT’S OR MOODINESS.

STAGE 2.

They feel sad and cry often.                                                                     BUT YOU STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND OR EVEN SEE HER TEARS.

STAGE 3.

This next stage is the most challenging for men:

Everything you do irritates her.  Sex can cease, arguments become frequent, and it feels like you can’t stand each other, yet…during this volatile period, when she goes quiet you need to worry because she is not submitting, she is usually thinking; ‘shall I go, or shall I stay?’; do I have any more fight in me; will he ever change? shall I just give up?

YOU STILL DON’T PAY ATTENTION!

STAGE 4

This is a confusing phase for most men:

She is much calmer now and she seems to have got over whatever was bothering her.

You can say, do, or go anywhere you want; she no longer argues or bothers you.

She appears indifferent and unmoved.

It’s not because she is happy now and self-soothed – she has emotionally ‘gone’ and disconnected from you and just when you think everything is fine, she asks for a separation, and you’re left wondering… WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED???

ANSWER!

You took your eye off the ball, probably through complacency and no communication and that is usually the demise of the relationship. The sad fact for a man is that, when a woman finally makes that painstakingly, profound decision to leave, she will rarely change her mind because she has taken so long agonising about it and grieved. The grieving process takes approximately two years.

The following are some of the points she will have considered:

• Am I doing the right thing?
• Do I still love him?
• Does he still love me?
• Will he ever change?
• Can I bear to live like this for ever?
• Can I manage without him?
• Can he manage without me?
• How will it affect the children?
• What would others think?
• Will I ever meet anyone else?
• What will happen in the future?
• Can I afford to support myself?
• Do I have to leave the house?
• Can I forgive him?
• Will he do it again?
• Can I be happier without him?

Having made up her mind and after she has dropped the bomb, you will start a similar grieving process that she has already finished.

I will explain the grieving process  which has five-stages  that people go through after experiencing a loss. In this context the grieving is for a lost relationship.

These stages are as follows:

• Denial – I cannot believe it! She cannot mean it.
• Anger/Blaming – Why? It’s all her/my fault. I bet she has got someone else. How can she?
• Bargaining – Give me another chance. Let’s go for counselling; It will be alright; It’s mid-life crisis.
• Depression – Feeling very down and sad. Don’t want to be bothered.
• Acceptance – Starting to recover and accept that she is not coming back.

HOW CAN I AVOID THIS HAPPENING AGAIN?

• Communicate!!!  This is the best advice I could ever give anyone.
• Listen actively to what she is saying.
• Observe what she is not saying
• Notice her and learn about her needs
• Check out verbally how she is doing and how she is feeling
• Ask yourself, ‘Am I being the best version of myself?
• Communicate what you are not happy about in an acceptable manner.
• If you sense something is wrong, it probably is – try communicating or  having some couples counselling before it is too late.

IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN

Remember that the best gift you can ever give them is to love their mother!